I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
