I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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