This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
