So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
