Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
