Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
