Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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