well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
