no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
