After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
