Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
