david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
