There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
