Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
