I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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