I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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