so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
