and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
