Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
