Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
