Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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