I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
