she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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