I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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