Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
