The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
