I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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