i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
