You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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