I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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