just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
