He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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