Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
