i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
