Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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