in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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