a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
