Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
