he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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