I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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