1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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