I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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