I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
