I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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