This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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