We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
