so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Who did Billy Mays play for?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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