So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need to stop coming to work sober
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
