Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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