her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
