Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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