i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
