I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
