Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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