Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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