you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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